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Sunday, September 02, 2007
 let's not name despair I spent this entire night chatting with my mother normally. What an improvement in behaviour, Megan. And let's delve straight into the point You know I feel utterly useless, and this is not some emo post or b_ing post because I really feel that I'm b_ing about someone every day. Do you know, the feeling can tear you apart? I want to clarify stuff with everybody.. everybody that I feel I'm having a really strained relationship with.. to tell you how I'm feeling.. and maybe when you read this and talk to me afterwards, we'd figure this all out. If only it were that easy; Not according to alphabetical order: Yorklyn I know we had a kinda talk that night about everything. And now that you've finally opened up, not that I've noticed at last but I thought it would be fine to carry things on the way it was. The way it kept on going. So I tried to ignore it and it went pretty well. Obviously this can never work out cause; there is too much hurt. Too much damage. We really have to trust each other to make things work. If we get petty over small situations, it's not gonna help any situation or anybody, that is a honest logical statement. I really am sorry I didn't do anything the whole past time of the year that went by. I'm so stupid and it shouldn't even happened at all. It should have just went by like the first weeks of Term 1. I screwed it, I screwed it didn't I. I don't think you understand about the sleepover thing.. this is the wrong time.. I mean you can come if you want now, but now you don't feel like anymore.. It's my Term 3 grades have obviously dropped, and while my Mom's away I have a whole checklist of stuff. And about the trusting you to get us both not slacking? Truth is its going to be hard due to all the distractions - drums, lappys, food, tv, xbox, good conditions. And in the first place it shouldn't be a problem with trust because, it's just a natural thing that we would feel like slacking and not get any work done. I don't know why this should affect so emotionally.. it's not like I did this because I don't feel comfortable around you and due to the drifting apart thing.. I'm extremely confused. There are too many emotions. ALL THIS MAY NOT EVEN BE ACCURATE , MY STATE OF MIND IS SO BEYOND REPAIR. Christine I really want to thank you for cheering me up and with Baby V's help too. And all that emo unstability? Yeah.. and it's just about the clique.. I'm causing everything. All you guys' problems. I don't wan't to be the cause. Everybody's really important and if I'm the centre or something, doesn't that mean it all revolves around me.. but it really doesn't! I see the way we go for recess together. It's a big group. We are dependant on one another, and sometimes on no-one at all. Individual battles. Martha I am still thinking about the photo-taking thing, not a lot but I need to clear this up. All of it. Everything. Like that day.. Sharon was trying to help, of course. And Yorkie wanted to drop out. Like she'd been doing for really long. And I wanted too, and you got sad because I wanted it to be equal. Should I always be the one included? I then realised you really wanted me to be in the picture, as you said I'm one of your closest friends. I really appreciated that. But it's just I thought I was in Sharon's group, and somebody else had the great chance of sharing the photo memories with you.. and in the end.. someone went to change my name and I didn't even know about it. I felt pretty lousy about it, like why, was I trying to avoid you? I didn't even understand.. sigh and then it was all such a big mess, my fault. Gosh.. Erina Sorry I can't talk to you on the phone for long and most of the time, because somehow my Mom always walks in and finds out. And well I feel really bad cause I haven't studied, like tonight when I'm thinking about all the Secondary School friendship relationships and stuff, and how it's absolutely crazy, fustrating and confusing. Confucius Erina, hahas. Hillary Now I understand much more. You want to know how you've changed and.. I didn't know your background history and all that.. it's really not the flaws that you have. It's just a different way of expressing. And sometimes that doesn't go over too well, cause we/I don't underastand. And then assumes and fastafter gossips follow. And it can kill you, quite terribly. And about that comment you've made about me a couple of times.. "Megan is everybody's friend." "Everybody is Megan's friend." This is extremely stressing. I have to understand everybody. Or else, complications e.g. Yorklyn RLS. And it ends up all being my fault. I am not complaining, stating facts. Seriously. If I wasn't there to "help", would things get worse? Like this? Mother I know you don't monitor my blog. But if I could I'd say it out to you in my head. Our relationship has obviously been strained these past few days. My inconsistency in work and all that has led me to many rants about how unfair it is for me. I guess you are also a perfectionist, and expect what should be normal. When I don't get how to do Math problems at first I feel very slow and all, and most of the time you help me and explain via a different method. It helps. And all the tuition stress will eventually help too. Hopefully :/ And i'm just screwed, a lot lately, so I apologise you have to deal with me being.. your Dearest Daughter. Zane All the best to your new life and stuff, I really wanna visit La'Salle after you've told me all about your school. And regarding relationship stuff yeah.. good luck :x Thanks for helping me out and talking to me, sharing discussions about interests and stuff. It really helped me get along; move along. So thanks, kor(: Kester Thanks kor. For everything. And I really hope you can.. move on.. emotional times are really hard. Just never give up.. especially on yourself, and the people around you. There is someone or someones out there, who really care. Don't worry. Nick You did a betterthangreat job, Debussy Arabesque;Complete and We Will Stand. I bet, if God allowed, you could have played drums AND the piano, cause you're a real rare talent, you know.. Of course I know you don't read my blog, but yeah. Thanks for helping me a lot through Sec 1 life, and even before that since a looooooooooong time ago ( yeah a darn long time ago ) you have always listened to me. And I took it the wrong way last time. Extendeeeeeddly grateful... and BEST luck to your life out there.. Sometimes, I feel like two years, and I haven't even moved
10:05 PM
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megnut dia
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