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Friday, June 20, 2008
 Things I have learnt these past few days:-i am socially awkward -i want a friend who i can be transparent with and proclaim to the world that he/she is my best friend and i am able to confide all my instabilities and inadequacies in. of course, this is merely a dream or wishful thinking/longing. -which comes to mind that i think about random quotes or philosophical ideas from books like tuesdays with morrie or the five people you meet in heaven. but i haven't learnt yet how to apply them in my life. application was always the hardest part -war is childish. i have been further enlightened greatly on the middle east conflict, but the ridiculous conclusion i gain is that it's all child's play :/ just with egos and guerilla warfare. -xuwen's secret love. for D&T. so much so that debate was a second cca in her secondary school. we were shocked by the lameness that erupted from it all. is she still considered cool? -i'm wondering if i'm doing the right things, making the right choices. when is it alright to socialise? do you socialise just to find that friend or acceptance at the end of the rainbow? (i don't believe in free money=gold) if so, why? when did your heart go missing -i am retarding as i cease to contain the willpower which dr william tan often says. my homework is left intact. that is to say, i have not scrawled meaningless answers on it. which is at least better than ignoring it and burning deeper through that hole in your heart. -dinnie is an extremist. in terms of mugging. she practically mugs. she has a freaking schedule for mugging. she, is also second in her level. that is imba. that is also crazy because i do not have such determination like her. -i am also backsliding in terms of debating. i confessed to xuwen today and pretty much my teammates, that things seemed to be getting worse. u14s was the best i ever felt debating, but that's not something to be happy about because what's important is now. and right now, i can't deliver properly. somehow things just go fine during prep time, and then when i'm on the floor and i see people staring at me, expecting something as they would from a third speaker (they must be innovative. they must have perfect labelling and structure and frame of thought and thorough understanding because hello, they are third speakers.) and i just blank. and i clearly demonstrate how i am utterly not convinced in my team's case. and i end up spewing something that is not coming from me. and during the hwach spar, reiterated the importance of knowledge. you can speak 120 miles per hour like a steam train because you're on the right tracks. i don't need to learn how to break the speed limit, but then i can't deny i most definitely need to garner knowledge. -term three is going down the drain. i know this time of year is always the fall for me, and i am anticipating it. negatively. -back to my beloved cca, options. would i quit if there are two empty holes in my team? maybe. i don't want them to leave. but someone is just as eager to depart. and i don't know why the strongest urge and pull but i could ask for nothing more than [u]us five[/u] prepping, slacking, debating, annoying each other, and sticking tight like we always do til the end of sec four. chicken soup for the soul
7:54 PM
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megnut dia
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